Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
