He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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