yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
