Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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