I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize