wrigley field is MILF paradise
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
