Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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