Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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