census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
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