Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
