I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize