I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
