Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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