It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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