I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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