Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
How naked do you want me to be?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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