Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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