I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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