I wish my penis had an off switch
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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