Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
