things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
