Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
