What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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