I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
false alarm, still single
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
