God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Who died my cat blue again?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
