How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
