o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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