Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
