Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
