well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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