Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
