Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
