i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
