Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
