I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I love you.
Bad choice
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