Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
