About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
