When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
