I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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