Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
