So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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