I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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