your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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