My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
