Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just found puke in my bra..
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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