Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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