I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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