Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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