i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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