CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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