cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
