I heard we made out
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
