she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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