I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
