New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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