How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
