im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
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