Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
