When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
God, you're like boner-b-gone
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
