We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
