Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
