Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize