its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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