Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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