At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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