he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
