It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
