And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
