I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
