Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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