he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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