Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
