Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
