I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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