He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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