It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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