my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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