Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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