nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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