Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
