The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
