we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
