6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
