i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
