Is it because I queefed?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
