I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
