Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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