We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
