She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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