I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize