so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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