She's JV to your varsity
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
